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- Will Power July 29, 2010
- The Laughable Life July 28, 2010
- Knowledge is Not Power! July 27, 2010
- Extraordinary Self Control July 20, 2010
- You’ll Achieve Whatever You Believe July 12, 2010
- Your Life’s Reflection July 11, 2010
- Real Self Help July 10, 2010
- Quick Fix? How About the Real Deal Instead? July 3, 2010
- Monday Love June 8, 2010
- To Have Succeeded June 7, 2010
Teaching Kids “The Power of Positive” Part 4
Okay, let’s keep rolling…
Now we have started to recognize the talent that our child has. What a wonderful and proud moment this is as a parent. Seeing anyone do what they love to do is a blessing, but seeing a child do it is even better. It’s better because they are doing it within the framework of the world they live in. The one filled with love, and endless possibilities. It’s really awesome. Isn’t that the world you want to live in? Actually it is the world we live in, we just can’t see it because of all the darn clutter…but that’s another post…
Not too long ago, my wife and I were amazed at how our two kiddos have developed into pretty impressive little entertainers. They are both very much into singing and music. We jumped in and went ahead with piano, guitar, and voice lessons. After my boy’s rousing rendition of “Eye of the Tiger” in his school’s 3rd grade talent show, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Our little girl is now starting to go the way of the karaoke machine, and just absolutely loves to play the piano.
If I had relied on my own intuition (yes, us dads have this, too), I would have just pushed the boy into sports and the girl into ballet. Now, our daughter has taken ballet, but prefers gymnastics, soccer, and swimming. And the boy has played soccer, baseball, and is a purple belt in karate; but is seems at this point in their lives, they have a desire to pursue music and a natural talent for it.
Enough about me, already….you have certainly started to notice those things that your own children love and are naturally gifted at, and you have offered encouragement and support. So now what? Well, now it’s time to work on that talent!
Talent and skill that learns to work hard and constantly improve will become outstanding in every sense of the word.
Working with your child is paramount to their success in life.
This is not like forcing your child to play tennis from the time they are able to stand until they are 17, for seven hours at a time, in lieu of friends, fun, laughter, and the other stuff that they really like to do…unless, of course, this is the thing that they believe in, and the thing that they dream about and want to pursue.
Because, here’s the thing…even if they did end up being a Wimbledon champion, the truth is that if this is not what they were born to achieve, at the end of the day and after the trophy is losing it’s luster, they will sit very still and realize that their childhood dream was lost somewhere out there on the tennis courts. They will remember the screaming and the yelling. They will remember that you made them do it. But now, after all of the dust has settled, they will feel a degree of regret and sadness.
That sounds really dramatic I know, but I think it should. Because I believe it is a message that we need to hear loud and clear as adults. Our children are real individuals, just like we are, and they deserve that respect and consideration.
You do have to work with them, and there will be times when practicing their craft or talent means skipping a sleep over, or not catching the ice cream truck in time, but in the end, if they are working hard on their passion…it will be worth it to a degree that is difficult to express with mere words. Just imagine yourself, having achieved that one thing that you wanted more than anything else in this world when you were a child. If you’re not smiling right now…I can’t help you…
So what is working hard if it is not grueling and structured and tough and all those wonderful pictures we have in our heads now that I’ve described the tennis player…
Well…working hard doesn’t really seem like hard work if one working is involved with what they are totally passionate about. This applies to kids as well.
I don’t think we have to be overbearing or obsessive. I just think that we need to teach them that their degree of success and satisfaction is directly related to how much of their own effort they will put into their craft.
If your son or daughter is an artist, then they need to draw, or sculpt, or write. If they are into acting, then they need to be in plays and performances, and speech classes. If they are basketball players, then buy a hoop. If they are into magic, get a trick deck of cards, and encourage them! But make sure that they are working on whatever it is they want to do.
It’s not that different from what I have said to people over the years, who were looking to better themselves; “Figure what you are really good at, and just keep doing it”. If it something they truly love, then they will want to get better, by nature. And the more they work at it, the more the natural ability will start to flourish. They can go from good to great, and from great to exceptional, to the exact degree that they put time and energy into their craft.
Hard work and persistence are the keys to success. They are the habits that all people who have achieved greatness have in common. And when the true gifts of an individual are combined with an unwavering desire to be the best, the only result that can come is absolute excellence. Hard work is required of all.
Listen to this quote by Calvin Coolidge:
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘press on’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”
The message is a very clear one.
Look, this little blog series I’m doing is about teaching our children. So, I’m not suggesting that at age 4 the child will know exactly what their life’s purpose is, and they better start burning the midnight oil or they will miss the miracle of their destiny, and live a life of misery. I’m not that kooky….right?
What I’m saying is that the lesson is an invaluable one. When you want to be the best at what you love to do, you have to constantly be at work to perfect your talent. The lesson they learn now may not fully sink in until they are 12 or 17 or 25 or 42….but it will NEVER sink in, if you haven’t taught it to them. That’s the rub.
Teach them the value of working hard at what they enjoy.
Teaching Kids “The Power of Positive” Part 3
Talent is that certain something that every one of us is born with. It’s a little different for each, because we are totally unique as individuals.
Our kids are talented. They have natural ability and aptitude that they were born to share. It’s our job to help them in the pursuit of their extraordinary lives.
A really big part of what we can do with our kids to get them headed in the right direction is to observe those things that they are gravitating toward, and those things which they seem to have a “knack” for. Observing it from an objective point of view can be difficult, as we usually tend to try and push them in a particular direction. “I want little Jimmy to be a football player!” Resist that temptation. You’ll be so happy you did.
Once you have figured out the thing or things that your child seems to do with minimal effort and likely have an absolute blast doing, you are now crucial to their development because of your ability to encourage.
By definition, encouragement means to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence. You literally become the “wind beneath their wings”.
Whatever it is your child was born to do, they will do it, if they are encouraged by you and allowed to pursue their interests with that wonderful innate precision.
Kids don’t have the same mental distractions we do. Kids don’t operate in a world that has any limitations, unless of course we start establishing that for them. Their minds are free and pure, and they will follow their hearts as naturally as the swallows make their way back to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California every March 19th.
They only have to be free to do so.
So be there. Be a fan. Be a cheerleader. Be a coach. Be a parent! This is the part of the gig as a mom or dad that we should put all of our energy into. Raising a child is not only about conditioning them to understand the meaning of the word “No”, it is also about being their most supportive force. Yes, you are entrusted with teaching them right from wrong, and establishing their moral codes. But don’t forget how important and influential it can be for them to know that you believe in them.
As adults we have this wonderfully clear perspective of our own childhood (or so we think). We can look back and imagine all of the things we achieved as kids, the things we wished we should have done, the things we would have tried harder at if we had only known how important it was going to be later, etc. Then often, unfortunately, we start to project our own lives onto our children. We can shape and mold them any way we want, and our natural tendency I think is to start trying to live somewhat vicariously through them. Again, avoid this temptation. The life that you learned with had a great purpose, and that purpose was not to try to relive it 20-something years later. It was to become wise enough to see that your children could experience life to the absolute fullest and achieve their total potential!
We also have to be careful when considering what their potential truly is. Often it is what we think of when we are measuring a child based on what we think they are capable of. “You just have so much potential…why can’t you get this right?” The truth is that no one knows exactly what any other person is capable of. We have a perception of what we think they can accomplish, but we are not privy to the inner-workings of their spirit. This is why it is so important not to force them to do things that aren’t right for them. They will begin to achieve all that they are capable of, as long as they are continuing to pursue life based on their natural gifts. I guarantee it.
Now, once the talent has been realized, it then needs to be worked on. And as it develops, and continues to pursue perfection, it will be amazing. It will lead to success in the most gratifying manner and happiness in the most peaceful way.
It can influence, motivate, entertain, inspire, and of course, fulfill.
It is the true gift to the world that each individual was born to give.
But it does require a steady focus and an unwavering commitment. And, initially, this is something, as parents, that we need to help with. We need to teach our kids how important it is to follow their hearts, but also that it takes a desire to succeed, and a persistence of spirit that says, “I will not ever quit. Not until I achieve my dream, and even then, not ever!”
I wrote about talent working hard in another post (here), but I will talk more specifically about the hard work of children pursuing their dreams with the kind of passion and faith that only a child has, in the purest form. And we’ll do that…next post…
Teaching Kids “The Power of Positive” Part 2
Worthiness is defined in the dictionary like this:
“Having adequate or great merit; character, or value; of commendable excellence…deserving”
If you didn’t have a chance to read the previous post is this little series, check it out. I wrote about how the first part of establishing positive self esteem in a child is in teaching them to believe in themselves.
The second part of it is in teaching them to understand their worthiness.
I think that this is very critical to understand and even more so to apply. I know a lot of people who are sold on the idea that if you can conceive it and believe it you will achieve it…they just don’t make the connection between accomplishment and their own talent. In other words, they can see it to some degree in their minds, but they figure it’s going to take a miracle or something other than their own ability to actually get ‘er done. What a shame.
We all have a gift to give the world. And every child should be aware of this. As responsible adults, we should be nurturing the idea with our kids that they are gifted. If we give this our energy and attention, we will begin to effectively build their self esteem.
On the flip side – when feelings of unworthiness are allowed to fester for years, it becomes nearly impossible as adults to see how we can be of value to our fellow planet mates.
There aren’t many feelings that are worse than having no value. To be less important, or not as smart, or less talented, or not capable is really to be non existent. And that of course leads to all kinds of terrible things, the best of which may be non-accomplishment or lack of fulfillment. At worst, an individual who feels no worthiness may lash out against society and commit crimes, or inflict damage upon others and even themselves, sometimes fatally.
So let’s avoid that scenario altogether by taking this positive thing seriously.
It brings me great joy when I am able to encourage my kids and see that they are really grasping the whole notion that they have abilities and gifts that are unique.
Build them up…then after you’ve built a little, build some more, then some more. You should want your kids to feel on top of the world as often as they can, and to realize that they are important. Important to you, and important to others.
Remember that we are totally responsible for the lives of our children. That’s quite an assignment! I can’t help but imagine what kinds of things I might have accomplished if I had believed at an earlier age that the only limitations in my life were the ones in my own mind. Then I figure that my thoughts along these lines are really serving to fuel my passion for instilling these beliefs in my own kids.
Some hesitate to go down this road with their children because they don’t want to “set them up for failure” by establishing unrealistic expectations. I think that this idea is as noble as it is ignorant. Setting boundaries for our children is precisely what limits them. Limited thoughts and beliefs lead to limited results. There is never any harm in reaching for the moon…if the consolation is merely hitting the stars. Let that one sink in.
We need to make sure that our kids understand that they are worthy.
Remember that the biggest part of helping them stay in touch with the right kinds of thoughts is in our communication with them. Just talk to them. Tell them how worthy and important they are every night before they go to sleep. Make that the last thing they hear before they turn themselves over to their imaginative minds in dreamland. Reinforce these ideas when you sit with them at breakfast or dinner. Call them during the day, or text them messages that say encouraging things. For my son, who actually has a cell phone…ughhhh…I like to text “you’re the man” to him every now and again just to remind him that he is important and that his father is proud of him. I can tell you that have seen an amazing growth in his confidence level. With my little girl, I like to leave notes telling her that I love her and that today she is going to do something great. She’s into the note thing. I get them from her every once in a while, too. It’s truly magical how something small like this, as well as communicating with them regularly has had such a meaningful impact on them.
If kids buy into the fact that they are just as important as anyone else out there, and that they are important because they are who they are, then they will be well on their way to changing the world.
Next comes using their talent. And that comes in tomorrow’s post. Stay tuned.
